track two

1. when you write a bunch of poems about kissing
a girl who giggles a lot and tells you she loves you,
it’s hard to find the right words to describe how
gently her boyfriend holds her when the sun goes down.

2. i don’t know how to convince you
that i’m the right choice, that i’m the right fit,
that i’m the end game and the curtain-closure,
when i don’t even know how to convince
you that i am not a drunken mistake.

3. this is for all the girls who are in love with
a girl who doesn’t know what she wants or knows
what she wants and doesn’t want you anywhere
but at the back of her closet—

4. congratulations, it took me
years to become proud of who i am and only
a day of no eye contact to make me feel
worthless. i wish you wouldn’t regret me but
i know you’ve spent your whole life hearing
that your closet is a castle and prince charming
is coming to rescue you

5. if i were a boy and i wrote this poem,
then i would hate how bitter and whiny
i sound. but i can’t help thinking that if i were a boy,
i probably wouldn’t need to write it in
the first place.

6. she kisses me slowly like she wants to savor
the moment, she kisses me blindly
like she can’t see where she’s aiming,  she kisses me
like she’s kissing a mirror and she’s finally figured out
all of the things about her reflection that she can’t stand.
i kiss her back but i don’t think she notices.

7. you’ve started smiling again when you see me in the hallways.
every poem i have written about you i write it straight
then write it straighter, changing the pronouns to ones
that hide the fact that when you tell me you love
me, there’s always a split second when i believe you.