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it’s like she’s toeing the edge of  a cliff and
she’s smiling and she’s deadly
and you’re standing too far back to save her
and it’s just too late because she’s about
to jump.


if you want a list of reasons not to commit suicide,
here it is.

1. you have two dogs that will miss you.
they were wagging their tails and smiling
last night when they took you to the hospital
and i couldn’t find the words to tell them
that they should be quiet.

2. you have a car that you cried when you got
and you roll the windows down and blast music
whenever you pick me up from school
and i’m sorry i never sang along, but this is just to say
that you have things that still make you feel alive.

3. you have a sister that is nice about fifteen percent of the time
and loves you the rest of it. trust me, she does.
she does not remember the last time she hugged you
but she wrote about you when her teacher asked her
who her hero was.



4. mom should never have to wonder if it was her fault. she’s
gonna think about how many family vacations
she could have dragged you on, she’s gonna think
about how many times she missed the ‘i love you’s
she should have said.

4. dad should never have to walk
around confused because he doesn’t know why.
he’ll never know when he should have pressed the issue
and when he should have let it go. he’ll think
he let you go and he’ll hate himself for it.

4. i don’t want to find the body.


god. god.
God better let you into heaven, if you do,
because without you here,

without you here,
it’s gonna be hell.


“she’s suicidal—”
“she’ll be fine—”
“it’s gonna take a while—“
“seven to ten days—“
“i’m so sorry.”

she’s not dead yet, she’s not dead
there’s still time, she’s not dead yet.


it’s like she’s toeing the edge of  a cliff and
she’s smiling and she’s deadly or maybe
she’s just dead,
and you’re standing too far back to save her,
you’re standing fifteen years too far back
and no one can save her
and that’s why she’s smiling.
this isn't for you guys. i'm sorry, but i didn't write this for you, i wrote it for her. i hope one day when she's fifty seven, she'll be alive to read it.
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Punching-WaIIs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2015  New Deviant
{{ while I can relate to all of this, the description is what impacts me the most.. Seeing myself as the suicidal girl throughout reading this (like I said, I can relate to this), then seeing this was meant to a certain person makes me sad.. Not sad because it takes away the feeling of being able to relate directly, but saddening because the hope seen in the description really hits me, and makes me realize that the hope you described in the description for that certain person is most likely the hope my family has for me.. It's so easy to forget about how other's feel when you're so caught up in your own self-misery, that you forget the misery you'll create for other people.. This story is amazing <3 I hope the girl you made this for is alive right now.. I really do. }}
xSaschaNightstarx Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This made me cry like a baby.  Sometimes the only reason I haven't taken my own life so young is because I have someone who cares.  I ask myself "Is it worth it to go on?" and then I go "Yes, because I won't be ending my pain.  I'll be bringing it on my best friend."  She is the reason I'm still alive, she stood by me through think&thin, she made me not feel invisible anymore.  Next time you pick up that blade, ask yourself "How will this affect my most loved?"  Don't forget how much love you, remember every good memory you had with this person.  Don't say "They'll get over it," because you know what?  It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.  Not just you, it hurts them too.  I picked up my blade after 373 days, I felt so lonely and I didn't want to live anymore.  It hurt my best friend more than myself, she means more than anything in this world.  I shouldn't have done it.  I don't deserve her, but she still loves me.  Don't forget, you have someone who loves you.  Even if you don't feel it, don't forget that your best friend - or your other half, maybe even both is going to miss you so much.  Do you Really want to hurt them, and leave a huge hole in their heart because you were feeling bad?
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The part in the middle, all the numbered reasons not to suicide--- 
Artgrrl23 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.
seafeather5 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I just had to add this to my favorites; I cried so much... <3
Chinook84 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013
I can relate. It's hard to watch someone toe that line, and know there are no words that will stop them forever. That aside, the words are beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and hope she'll read it one day.
BloodiestRed Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013
I love this, great work :heart:
This is beautiful and i hope it helps her.
RICEisHOLY Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful. I hope she'll pull through this.
Icestar007 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate.
HapaForever Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Student General Artist
This is so touching. I don't know what to say. I send my best wishes to you and the person you're writing it for.
fuzed-ice Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Take strength. Both of you. People are complex. Just know, from me, and i imagine this goes for most of the people that read that, we wish you good luck, strength to continue, and a otherwise happy life for both of you.
Darkartist82 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful words Sir/Ma'am
yantzeeBTC Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
Rema-Alkhany Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
When a person commits suicide commits suicide humanity,thanks
2002f350 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013
Well put sentiment.  God be with both of you.
hermafrodite Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
yeah i can relate in a lot of ways
Kaye00 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
This is excruciatingly good. I hope she reads it.
snowywolf13 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
My God, this is beautiful. I've never read anything that made me feel so much. I cried reading this. I love how it's like someone's thoughts, repeating things and jumping around in a confused state trying to understand. And it's so well-worded. Beautiful. I hope the person you wrote this for is as afected by it as I am, and I believe this poem alone can be saving.
Cloudy-Dreamscape Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't like poetry or consider literature an art normally but this is just beautiful, you have my best wishes <3 This is amazing work 
Demonhunter58933 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Student Writer
That was beautiful <3 Im sending you wishes. (:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is beautifully honest and i'm so sorry for that and how accurate it is, too, i'm sending you all my love and best wishes :heart:
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Submitted on
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