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October 10, 2013
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it’s like she’s toeing the edge of  a cliff and
she’s smiling and she’s deadly
and you’re standing too far back to save her
and it’s just too late because she’s about
to jump.

---

if you want a list of reasons not to commit suicide,
here it is.

1. you have two dogs that will miss you.
they were wagging their tails and smiling
last night when they took you to the hospital
and i couldn’t find the words to tell them
that they should be quiet.

2. you have a car that you cried when you got
and you roll the windows down and blast music
whenever you pick me up from school
and i’m sorry i never sang along, but this is just to say
that you have things that still make you feel alive.

3. you have a sister that is nice about fifteen percent of the time
and loves you the rest of it. trust me, she does.
she does not remember the last time she hugged you
but she wrote about you when her teacher asked her
who her hero was.

4.

4.

4. mom should never have to wonder if it was her fault. she’s
gonna think about how many family vacations
she could have dragged you on, she’s gonna think
about how many times she missed the ‘i love you’s
she should have said.

4. dad should never have to walk
around confused because he doesn’t know why.
he’ll never know when he should have pressed the issue
and when he should have let it go. he’ll think
he let you go and he’ll hate himself for it.

4. i don’t want to find the body.

----

god. god.
God better let you into heaven, if you do,
because without you here,

without you here,
it’s gonna be hell.

----

“she’s suicidal—”
“she’ll be fine—”
“it’s gonna take a while—“
“seven to ten days—“
“i’m so sorry.”


she’s not dead yet, she’s not dead
there’s still time, she’s not dead yet.

----

it’s like she’s toeing the edge of  a cliff and
she’s smiling and she’s deadly or maybe
she’s just dead,
and you’re standing too far back to save her,
you’re standing fifteen years too far back
and no one can save her
and that’s why she’s smiling.
this isn't for you guys. i'm sorry, but i didn't write this for you, i wrote it for her. i hope one day when she's fifty seven, she'll be alive to read it.
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:iconxxflamefrost101xx:
XxFlameFrost101xX Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
The part in the middle, all the numbered reasons not to suicide--- 
woah
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:iconartgrrl23:
Artgrrl23 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is very beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes.
Reply
:iconseafeather5:
seafeather5 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I just had to add this to my favorites; I cried so much... <3
Reply
:iconchinook84:
Chinook84 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013
I can relate. It's hard to watch someone toe that line, and know there are no words that will stop them forever. That aside, the words are beautiful. Thank you for sharing, and hope she'll read it one day.
Reply
:iconbloodiestred:
BloodiestRed Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013
I love this, great work :heart:
Reply
:iconxneverxtherexforxmex:
This is beautiful and i hope it helps her.
Reply
:iconriceisholy:
RICEisHOLY Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful. I hope she'll pull through this.
Reply
:iconicestar007:
Icestar007 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can relate.
Reply
:iconhapaforever:
HapaForever Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Student General Artist
This is so touching. I don't know what to say. I send my best wishes to you and the person you're writing it for.
Reply
:iconfuzed-ice:
fuzed-ice Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Take strength. Both of you. People are complex. Just know, from me, and i imagine this goes for most of the people that read that, we wish you good luck, strength to continue, and a otherwise happy life for both of you.
Reply
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