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Submitted on
May 26, 2013
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once upon a time—
except that’s not true, because this story
is still happening, so let me start over.

present time,
there’s a girl who lives in a small town
who is afraid of falling and snakes and thunder and love and
commitment and herself and gas stations.
this is a good premise for a character because
you can already see her problem: she’s going to fall in love.

there’s a boy because there is always a boy.
this boy is in love with music and leaving.
let’s call him Q, and let’s call the girl G and let’s say
that G is in love with Q but she’s not sure if
he’s a person or an ideal, and he might be horrible
as both but she loves him for his smile and his eyes
and she’s young enough to think that that’s enough.

spoiler alert: it’s not enough.

now, let’s give G some flaws because every good character has flaws.
let’s say she laughs a bit too loudly and her eyes are close together
and she has no sense of rhythm and she’s a poet and
she has to remind herself to care about other people
and she looks terrible in a bathing suit.

let’s give Q some virtues so that the audience
can understand why G loves him: so let’s say he laughs easily,
he’s always travelling new places,
he has a tragic history that makes him a better person,
he plays several instruments, speaks several languages,
cares about his family more  than anything and
his eyes are blue.

the setting is a small town where it’s seventy-five degrees in winter
and nothing really happens.
the story spans thirteen years, but tragically,
G doesn’t realize she’s in love until there’s only three years
left and she’s living inside of a time bomb.

now, here’s the plot. here’s the problem. here’s the part
that makes G hang her head in despair and the audience
to start questioning rather or not G and Q will be happy together
by the thirteenth year.

here’s the twist, here’s the secret: G is a gun.
G is a gun and she’s tired and she doesn’t want to kill any more people,
And worse than that, G is a broken gun
which sometimes backfires and makes
her clutch the toilet bowl in the middle of the night
or cut the too soft, too much skin of her stomach.

now let’s try and predict the future.
let’s say that G hurts Q, but he moves on because
there are always more girls. Q finds a girl
with blue eyes like him, or brown eyes or green eyes
and this girl will make him smile but most importantly,
this girl will make him want to stay.

the lesson learned from this is that G cannot make Q happy.
and of course, that broken girls do not make good love stories

now let’s say that a year has passed.
and let’s say that in that year nothing has changed.
let’s say that there has been no character development
and G’s eyes are still too close together and she’s
still afraid of commitment and thunder.
let’s say that she feels like she’s thirteen years old again and
just realizing that she
is bad.
I'm not sure if the title is even correct grammar, but it's late, I'm tired, I've already thrown up twice tonight and I just want to go to bed.

This poem is about love and I guess about change (or lack there of)

--i was being too honest in this poem so i changed a little thing.
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:iconmagic-bean-buyer:
Magic-Bean-Buyer Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013
I love this poem every time I read it, but it hurts to read it all the way through. I do anyway though.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013   General Artist
this piece is much like a double whammy for the heart and gut. gawd you have a gorgeous voice. :heart:
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:iconcarnie-vorex:
Carnie-Vorex Featured By Owner May 31, 2013
Good boys are just too rare, so they're valuable. And they KNOW they are, so they choose only the best girls. Those who are smart and easy going AND have good legs and long hair and wear dresses, unlike some tomboys like myself. Boys want to feel masculine, they need feminine girls for that. Girls want to live for boys, the boys live mostly for themselves. They get more love from their mothers, because women have an instinct for loving boys. Fathers respect and value their boys, too. But nobody respects a girl, so the girl can't be expected to respect herself. The society made girls secondary. They may pretend to be feminists, but that's just armour. I'm half boy by character, but I can't make my other half stop crying and pitying her lonely, worthless self.
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Student Writer
But besides that the beauty of this is in how blatant it is. Usually in poetry it's subtlety that shines but, this, this. You're brilliant.
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Student Writer
Agh, really, really felt this. I've fallen in and out of 'relationships' and to all those boys I'm bad weather, too much water.
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:iconrayoflight20:
rayoflight20 Featured By Owner May 29, 2013   Writer
Unrequited love just...sucks. And somehow the boys are always so perfect and the girls are always so flawed. I felt like...gah, of course it was completely original, but I could relate to parts of it because I fell in love with someone too. And I think all my flaws are so glaringly, um, love-preventative. That's not even a word, but that's exactly how I feel and that's how G feels too, right?
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:iconmisfitablegrae:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner May 29, 2013   Writer
I guess maybe it's like all the girls think the guys are perfect but they aren't but sometimes love, like, smooths away all of the bad parts of a person because that's what love is, you know, loving someone despite their faults? But if it's unrequited love, the girl (or boy in some cases but in this case girl) will think the boy is perfect but also kind of think that because the boy doesn't love her then that means she must be completely and totally flawed?

Okay, god, I sound, like, high or something and I'm totally abusing my comma key. But, honey, I'm sorry you can relate and I hope that, no matter what the situation is, I hope it's not as bad as you make it sound. Your flaws can't be that bad, I don't know you but you're probably amazing ok? ok. Your flaws are amazing and flawy and perfect, okay, and if he (or she, you know what, gender doesn't matter) can't see around them then he's blind or stupid or just not the right one for you. And I hesitated using that phrase because no one can tell when you meet someone that's "the right one for you". But I couldn't think of a better phrase, and in some way it's true and--

And this got out of hand really, really fast...I'm sorry? Uh, yeah. Just. You're perfectly flawed and go get that boy or wait a little while because from what I've heard, love is worth the wait.

Gah, I just wanted to say that's how G feels, yeah.
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:iconartistic-heart13:
artistic-heart13 Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the dialogue; kinda makes it feel fast-paced. The way you ended it left me wanting to read more. Amazing job.
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:iconadrolyn:
Adrolyn Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is beyond awesomeness. Such a novel approach too. I wondered at first whether this was a description of yet (another) OC - there's so many of those on DA. Should have know better considering the author.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner May 27, 2013   Writer
Absolutely outstanding.
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