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About Literature / Artist Core Member Grae MatternFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
7 Month Core Membership:
Given by sdmann22
Statistics 162 Deviations 567 Comments 18,076 Pageviews

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lol well



600 deviations
i keep trying to tell you that
the woods are burning, the ocean is flooding,
but you think it’s the summer heat
and the summer rain and you think
this is how it has to be
but it doesn’t it doesn’t
it doesn’t—

and you don’t leave
because you think we have time, but the smoke
is a noose i could hang myself with and

we got jewels and riches and coins but
we don’t got a damn second.
what willy loman said
my english lit class just finished reading the play Death of a Salesman, and one of the lines from the main character, Willy, is "I’m not interested in stories about the past or any crap of that kind because the woods are burning, boys, you understand? There’s a big blaze going on all around." And i just kind of liked that quote.

also inspired by wildfires in california and a conversation i had with someone the other day.

idk i probably will(y) later turn this into a longer poem, but right now i don't have the energy to ahha

anyways have a great end to the pre-halloween month
1. i have a cactus named atticus that i bought
on the day i thought i was going to die,
and i never forget to water it, not
even when i forget how it feels
to breathe without my lungs rebelling
against my brain.

2. sometimes talking feels like walking on gravel
in a Georgian summer heat.
i try to keep talking anyway,
and hope that eventually
my voice will lose its softness and grow calluses.

3. once, a man whistled at me
outside of a grocery store from
the safety of his car.
four years later, i still haven’t stopped looking
over my shoulder.

4. i drive too fast and i take turns too sharply
and i never put enough sugar
in my tea and i could probably survive
on watermelon alone. i’m left handed
and once taught myself to write only in capital
letters to piss off my seventh grade english teacher.

5. i have never felt closer to my father
than when we stayed
outside till two a.m. in november and watched
a meteor shower.

6. there are some things
i don’t think i’ll ever get right on the first
try. like math equations and tightening
a light-bulb and falling in love
and baking cupcakes.
there are some things i think everyone
should try twice.

7. i’ve changed. okay, so yeah, sometimes i still
hold memories closer than i hold friends and sometimes
i still treat autumn like it’s the only time
in the year to find god, and sometimes
i still can’t get the lighter to work
on the first go-around. and yeah,
the only thing i really know how to cook
is grilled cheese, and yeah the only place
i really know how to drive to is home,
but this time, whenever the radio is on,
i sing.

8.  look, ask anyone—i find it really
easy to talk about myself, and i do
it about seventy-eight percent of the time.
but when you look me straight in the eye
and ask for my greatest accomplishments,
i’m never going to find the right combination
of certificates or trophies
to make you smile.

9. dear colleges, you don’t want to know
me. you want a bullet point list of all
the reasons i think you should choose me,
and i have spent the last seventeen years
handing those out to people, like
they’re flyers to a new sushi restaurant
downtown and i am done.
make your decision now, and maybe
i’ll see you next fall.
a list of things colleges don't want to know
wow im really stressed and really sad.

mostly sad.

wow i wonder how that happened

 (if this is the poem that keeps me out of college, i s2g--)
one day you will cut all your hair off,
and hang up a map of the world in your
room and  you will look at it on days
you think your life is going nowhere.
i hate to tell you this, but this isn’t
your worst year. it also isn’t your

one day you will cut all your hair off
and realize that some poems need to be read
out loud, to an audience, so you’ll take a hammer
and some nails and build yourself one
out of a girl whose veins look fragile but
whose bones are strong, a boy who isn’t as tall as
he thinks he is, but whose lifelines are the deepest
you’ve ever seen, and a girl whose eyes remind you of the
east coast shore.

one day you will cut all your hair off,
and learn that you can like pink
just as much as you like blue
and the world will not fall apart
along its fault lines. there are other flags
you can wave with pride that
aren’t American.

one day you will cut all your hair off
and figure out how to forgive yourself,
figure out how to stand in front of the mirror
and look your five year old self in the eye.
everything you have ever done in your life
is to try and make her proud,
one day you will realize it is time

to let her die.
one day you will eat fruit and drink tea and
pass a math class, then fail out of a math class,
one day someone else will

write you a poem,
one day you will stop comparing people
to stained glass and start comparing them to concrete
because you’ll start believing in the
durability of the human spirit.

one day you will cut all your hair off.
i know that sounds impossible because
right now all you want is to have perfect
curls like that country singer you won’t admit
to liking, but i swear one day you will
cut all your hair off, and it won’t feel
like finding yourself or creating yourself, but it will be
a step in the right direction.
an open letter to my twelve year old self
i think pretty much everyone has to write one of these.

i used the cutting hair off line so many times because i think the day i cut my (admittedly already pretty short) hair into a "guy" cut was, like, some kind of transition in me. i did it sometime in my sophomore year of high school, but i don't really remember it much. i don't think it means that much but i think it meant something, you know?

anyways, i didn't really want to write this poem, i just didn't want to do my mountains of AP euro reading. i still need to do that. shittt

okay so love you, lovelies xx
i think you are lovely.
but i am not in love with you,
and by the fifth time you catch my eye and look
away just as quickly, i realize
that i cannot will myself into being so.

if love were as simple as a field of flowers,
i swear i would pick you a bouquet
of daises, and make sure that every petal you
picked off ended with ‘she loves me’.

if love were as reliable as the sun,
i would never stand so far away from you that our
shadows did not touch.

if love were as predictable as the weather,
i swear i would spend every storm
kissing you in the rain.

if love were as fair as Lady Justice
i would tie a scarf around my eyes
and spend the rest of my life blind
just to be able to feel the way our fingerprints
line up together.

if love were—
but it’s not, and i’m not—
in love with you, that is, and
you deserve a girl whose heartbeat plays
the Hawaii 5-0 theme song whenever
you walk into the room.

i know that isn’t me.

and i don’t know how we can remain the same,
when every time i see your smile,
i think about how i held your heart in my hand
for five years without even noticing
its weight and when you finally
spat out your truths, i dropped it
like it was so hot, like i was afraid it would
burn me—i was afraid i would have scars of your
heartbeat on my hands for the rest
of my life. to be honest, i think
i will anyway.

to be honest, sometimes i am mad at you
because i never wanted to be someone’s first love
or someone’s first heartbreak poem,
or the reason someone found it hard to breathe
or the guilty secret someone tells their friends about
in whispers and only when drunk.

i don’t want to be the thing you think about
only when drunk.

i don’t want to be the catch in your throat, or the heat
in your face, or your sweaty palms,
or your stutter and
or your broken daisy stalks.

i don’t want to be the petals strewn across
your floor, like the carnage of a hope you can’t
manage to shake.

you are lovely. you are so

lovely. sometimes, i wonder
if i have made your heart heavy enough
that the next person you give it to will
notice its presence before you even have
to say a word.
peccavi (n)- a confession of guilt or sin

written primarily for me because i thought i had a lot to say, but when i opened my mouth i couldn't think of a single word.

on an unrelated note, does anyone know what i could possibly write my college essays on?

i know school has mostly started for everyone, so keep your heads up, cheries, it'll get easier from here, most likely.

you guys give me a Daily Deviation??? I love you all so so much. I mean, seriously, seriously thank you. Every single one of you is amazing and perfect and just wow okay I'm still wow'ing.

And it's more than just a DD, you know, like, I'm super touched and flattered and all these other adjectives on the response "welcome to the real world" got. I loved reading your comments about how you perceive the real world and what you were afraid of when you were graduating college/high school.

Which is another thing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing comments like, 'I just graduated high school and I think I needed to read this' or 'Just finished college, this helped me so much'. Good. Thank god, because that's what I wanted that poem to do to you. I wanted people to read it and feel, well, maybe not helped, but at least not so alone. My oldest sister graduates college in June, and today is my other sister's high school graduation and today was the last exam of my sophomore year of high school, so we're all another step into having no idea what we're going to do later and I know it scares me and it probably scares them, too.

So I'm just really glad that people read this poem and liked it, or even if they read it and hated it, or read it and messaged me all the ways that I'm an ignorant, privileged sixteen year old. This is true. But like I said earlier, I wrote "welcome to the real world" so people could read it and feel like they're aren't the only ones facing these problems. Cause sure, from what I've seen the Real World sucks and it's awful and yeah, there's little bits of 'this is great' but it's mostly twenty-somethings wishing they were preteens again. And it would doubtlessly be better if no one thought they were the only ones going through the same adjustments.

I got off all track--I just really wanted to say that after the week of exams I've had and Ending Of The Year blues, this was amazing. Thank you so much. I'm still smiling.


MisfitableGrae's Profile Picture
Grae Mattern
Artist | Literature
United States
I hate talking about myself for any length of time. My favorite part of the summer is the fireflies. My mother doesn't understand why I like the rain so much, but let's just put that on the ever-growing list of things my mother doesn't understand about me. I don't know what to do about that. I do this weird thing where I don't reply to comments and don't tell everyone that follows me that I love them but I love them and on Bad Days, I reread the comments and look at my watchers and I smile and fall a little bit more in love with humanity in general. I'm allergic to every nut but peanuts. I am a horrible human being. But some days I can convince myself that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a good person.


Add a Comment:
underorion Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2015
Your writing is so lovely, please never stop. I hope if you're having a bad day, this comment can make you smile. You are loved.
it probably doesnt look like it based on my profile and my crude digital art but i absolutley love poetry and youre one of my poetic idols i just adore your work so much your writing style is exactly what i want mine to be like one day and you just inspire me so much i just thought id tell you aaa
Brandoch-Daha Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I am glad I found your page
locosquirrel Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi, I just wanted to say that you're own of my favorite poets. Like the kind that should be published and studied in english classes but isn't YET (I think you could be if that's what you wanted).

There are these writing practices I do where I try writing in certain styles and well, I tried my hand at your style. It's your inspiration so I thought I'd share it with you :)…

Happy writing and have a lovely day ! 
--- Loco

SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for collecting Bibliophilia :)
AeronDust Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
I could start a collection just on all the things you've written because I've loved everyone of the things I've read so far.
Psychia98 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my goodness, you added one of my poems to your favourites? I'm utterly flattered..!
Thank you; this means such a lot to me :)
MyPoeticReality Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me in unimaginable ways, your mind is absolutely beautiful. Keep writing, sweetie. :heart:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
oh man thank you so, so unbelievably much. you're absolutely amazing.

and also, i love andrea gibson's poetry, "a letter to the playground bully" is one of my all-time favorites from her. C: used to have about five of her poems memorized just in case there ever came an opportunity to recite her work. "class" was pretty cool, too.
MyPoeticReality Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015   Writer
Oh, of course! And thank you!

Aww, that's really cute! I didn't know of her until about a year ago when a friend of mine took me to see her perform, she's been my idol ever since. c:
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