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About Literature / Artist Premium Member Grae MatternFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
9 Month Premium Membership:
Given by sdmann22
Statistics 157 Deviations 564 Comments 16,598 Pageviews

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lol well



1. people are always poised to leave you.
i don’t know when you’ll realize that,
but after you do, it’s over.
you can’t hit snooze, you can’t forget it.
love lasts longer than
people do.

there’s nothing to stop it either.
there’s no joke you could have
told, no times you could have held your tongue.

it’s probably not your fault.

no one can keep people, no one can make them stay.
it’s in our natures to fidget,
to flinch, to crave freedom, to long for the horizon.
it is us that leaves. our temporariness is
our own humanness.

2. she has cuts on her arms and they are faded.
i wonder how exactly they got there. i wonder why
they got there—the series of events
that led to what always seems like
a fucking forgone conclusion.

i wonder where i was at those eight moments.
i wonder what i was doing,
how i was feeling. i wonder when I got so distant
that a phone call or a voice message or a
goddamn text was too little to bridge the gap.
i wonder when she gave up on me.

3. i wonder when they healed.

4. this is for my temporary existence, here.
it is for the people i have left
and the ones who have left me.
this is for the jokes i told and the tongue
i could not hold back.
this is for the people i am holding back.

this is for the times i never thought
to stop, for the times i never thought to think.
this is for the first brick in a bridge, the one that wonders
how in the world he is supposed to cross this distance.
this is for healing, slow and ugly, scabs and scars
and three in the morning relapses.

this is for you. this is an apology written kind of
like a love letter, kind of like a
dear john note.

5. i’m sorry i missed your play.
i’m sorry i missed your phone call.
i’m sorry i  missed the first time you heard that joke
that never fails to make you laugh. i’m sorry
i read your text but pretended to be asleep
i’m sorry i treated you like a season and only ever loved you
in the summer. i’m sorry i saw your
scars and wrote a poem about them instead
of talking to you. i’m sorry.

6. i swear one of these days i will figure out
how to love you right.
the relationship between compass and home
i'm back~~

so this was originally written as prose in a notebook. i just wrote for, like, five minutes and called it 'abstract thought' instead of 'piece of shit'. idk just wanted to try writing like faulkner, all stream of consciousness or whatever. 

and then when i was typing it up, i changed it loads and it ended up like this.

this is a poem written for a friend, may it always find her in good health, if she ever finds it at all.

i'm glad to be back, guys. missed this.
back from camp, guys! it'll take a few days to get back on my feet, but i am here again and okay
600 deviations
your eyes were always soft, even when
your voice went hard. for a while,
i treated you like a god and i’m
not saying that i worshipped you,
but i let you hold my hands
and i told you all the sins i carried
in their grooves.

i have since been told that they were never
your burden to bear,
but that doesn’t stop me from aching for you
every time i catch myself thinking
about how it would feel to kiss the girl
two doors down. it’s been a while
since i’ve confessed and i’m not sure
i remember how. the thing is,
i don’t feel that guilty anymore.

the thing is, holding hands is only
ten fingers away from letting go
and we got so good at toeing the line of the cliff
that when you finally jumped, i forgot
i was supposed to follow.

i swear i thought i could keep you floating.
i swear i didn’t mean to let the water
into your mouth. sometimes i wish
i could kiss you dry again but i know
that’s not how this thing works, that’s
not the way this thing is anymore.

i mean to say that i think you are lovely,
and i think that lovely people
can’t always love right and that we are drawn
to the people we think will be able to hold
our hands when we can’t feel our
fingerprints anymore, or hold our hair
back and rub our backs over and over again
when we keep making the wrong choices
too early in the mornings.

i think we all have too many
empty contacts on our phones and we
can never find the right people to sleep
next to and we can never be sure
our hands lock together as perfectly
as they should. holding hands is ten fingers
away from not, and sometimes that’s not enough
rope to tether me to the right now.


i’m sorry.

the other day i was riding the bus and i thought
of a really good joke to tell you but i didn’t
want to call you. i think i’ve called too much
already, and i think that’s the punchline.
what to say when you can't say i love you anymore
yo im pretty sure this will be the last poem i submit before i go to camp! governor's school is completely killing me. idk i mean i like it, but i feel like i am just. like, i feel like i am not taking advantage of these opportunities or whatever. or, like, i feel like i'm just the same person i was at school and i just wanted to be like a different person. and then i guess im not....

anyway this poem isnt really what it looks like it's about.

i love you all and i will miss you while i am gone and i swear i will come back and i wanna see every single one of you in a month. love all, G (or C cause now i'm going by Catherine at gov school)

idk is Grace or Catherine 
i will love you until it hurts and even past that,
until my chest aches with the thought of
your eyelashes and every bit of your life
has been written on my skin.
i will be your pillar of strength. i will love you
after it hurts and after i grow numb and grow apart
and we find ourselves on opposite sides of the country,
like branches on a tree that grew bigger
than we could ever imagine.

i will keep your city circled on every map i place
on the walls of my room, like a reminder
and a to do list and a promise all in one. you have
etched yourself into every corner
of my brain and i have stopped trying
to catch myself thinking about you because
most days my thoughts are running too fast
to ever even catch up with
and they always seem to lead back to you.

and right now my veins are only half blood
and half holy so i know this isn’t a poem
that needs to be written but i also know
already that if i don’t get this out, tomorrow
morning i will be crouched in front
of a toilet bowl again, throwing up half digested
food and words and fragments of poems
i will never find the courage to send you,
and please trust me when i tell you there is nothing
holy about feeling that dirty.

and my dirty laundry should be aired or else
it’ll never get clean, and the skeletons in my closet
deserve a proper funeral or else these ghosts
will never stay buried.

this is just to tell you that i would have loved you
until it hurt and probably even after that
if i know anything about myself at all.
poetry i should not be writing at four a.m.
uploaded at a reasonable time, written at a not so reasonable time

i haven't edited this poem much at all, and it took me about ten minutes to write it. it was just an experiment exercise kind of thing to try when i couldn't go to sleep. so maybe it should be read kind of frantically with a hint of desperation

anyway, guys, i'm going to governor's school on sunday which is for a month and it's basically like school in the summer which idk what i was thinking when i signed up for it, but hopefully it'll be fun. but i'm just not that sure how much i'll be able to get on and post stuff and talk with y'all. and then the day governor's school gets out (June 27), i'm driving straight over to a month long summer camp that starts the same day and ends at the end of July. and i know for a fact that camp nakanawa does not allow any electronics of any kind, so that'll be a month of dead silence.

i think i'll post an email address (they print out emails for us to read) you can reach me at if you want, whenever i find it out.

i'm getting my hair dyed purple later today...hell yeah

enjoy existence today, lovelies!!
you guys give me a Daily Deviation??? I love you all so so much. I mean, seriously, seriously thank you. Every single one of you is amazing and perfect and just wow okay I'm still wow'ing.

And it's more than just a DD, you know, like, I'm super touched and flattered and all these other adjectives on the response "welcome to the real world" got. I loved reading your comments about how you perceive the real world and what you were afraid of when you were graduating college/high school.

Which is another thing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing comments like, 'I just graduated high school and I think I needed to read this' or 'Just finished college, this helped me so much'. Good. Thank god, because that's what I wanted that poem to do to you. I wanted people to read it and feel, well, maybe not helped, but at least not so alone. My oldest sister graduates college in June, and today is my other sister's high school graduation and today was the last exam of my sophomore year of high school, so we're all another step into having no idea what we're going to do later and I know it scares me and it probably scares them, too.

So I'm just really glad that people read this poem and liked it, or even if they read it and hated it, or read it and messaged me all the ways that I'm an ignorant, privileged sixteen year old. This is true. But like I said earlier, I wrote "welcome to the real world" so people could read it and feel like they're aren't the only ones facing these problems. Cause sure, from what I've seen the Real World sucks and it's awful and yeah, there's little bits of 'this is great' but it's mostly twenty-somethings wishing they were preteens again. And it would doubtlessly be better if no one thought they were the only ones going through the same adjustments.

I got off all track--I just really wanted to say that after the week of exams I've had and Ending Of The Year blues, this was amazing. Thank you so much. I'm still smiling.


MisfitableGrae's Profile Picture
Grae Mattern
Artist | Literature
United States
I hate talking about myself for any length of time. My favorite part of the summer is the fireflies. My mother doesn't understand why I like the rain so much, but let's just put that on the ever-growing list of things my mother doesn't understand about me. I don't know what to do about that. I do this weird thing where I don't reply to comments and don't tell everyone that follows me that I love them but I love them and on Bad Days, I reread the comments and look at my watchers and I smile and fall a little bit more in love with humanity in general. I'm allergic to every nut but peanuts. I am a horrible human being. But some days I can convince myself that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a good person.


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shoenicebitchforlife Featured By Owner 5 days ago
it probably doesnt look like it based on my profile and my crude digital art but i absolutley love poetry and youre one of my poetic idols i just adore your work so much your writing style is exactly what i want mine to be like one day and you just inspire me so much i just thought id tell you aaa
Brandoch-Daha Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I am glad I found your page
locosquirrel Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi, I just wanted to say that you're own of my favorite poets. Like the kind that should be published and studied in english classes but isn't YET (I think you could be if that's what you wanted).

There are these writing practices I do where I try writing in certain styles and well, I tried my hand at your style. It's your inspiration so I thought I'd share it with you :)…

Happy writing and have a lovely day ! 
--- Loco

SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for collecting Bibliophilia :)
AeronDust Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
I could start a collection just on all the things you've written because I've loved everyone of the things I've read so far.
Psychia98 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my goodness, you added one of my poems to your favourites? I'm utterly flattered..!
Thank you; this means such a lot to me :)
MyPoeticReality Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me in unimaginable ways, your mind is absolutely beautiful. Keep writing, sweetie. :heart:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
oh man thank you so, so unbelievably much. you're absolutely amazing.

and also, i love andrea gibson's poetry, "a letter to the playground bully" is one of my all-time favorites from her. C: used to have about five of her poems memorized just in case there ever came an opportunity to recite her work. "class" was pretty cool, too.
MyPoeticReality Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015   Writer
Oh, of course! And thank you!

Aww, that's really cute! I didn't know of her until about a year ago when a friend of mine took me to see her perform, she's been my idol ever since. c:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

Hey, thanks for joining :iconshortandsweetpoetry:ShortAndSweetPoetry! We're glad to have you with us. Please be sure to submit any and all short poetry you write and/or come across, into the right folders of course~ Wink/Razz

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or any of the other admins, DropDeadKrislynAmarantheansSharkitty, and AmethystVixen. We also have a donation account for the group at :iconsspdonationaccount:. Any and every donation is much appreciated! Heart

Have a nice day! Spongebob (Imagination) 

 ~That1PersonYouForgot Meow Rainbow

P.S. Sorry for the late welcome!
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