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About Literature / Artist Premium Member Grae MatternFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Given by sdmann22
Statistics 156 Deviations 564 Comments 16,120 Pageviews

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lol well



603 deviations
your eyes were always soft, even when
your voice went hard. for a while,
i treated you like a god and i’m
not saying that i worshipped you,
but i let you hold my hands
and i told you all the sins i carried
in their grooves.

i have since been told that they were never
your burden to bear,
but that doesn’t stop me from aching for you
every time i catch myself thinking
about how it would feel to kiss the girl
two doors down. it’s been a while
since i’ve confessed and i’m not sure
i remember how. the thing is,
i don’t feel that guilty anymore.

the thing is, holding hands is only
ten fingers away from letting go
and we got so good at toeing the line of the cliff
that when you finally jumped, i forgot
i was supposed to follow.

i swear i thought i could keep you floating.
i swear i didn’t mean to let the water
into your mouth. sometimes i wish
i could kiss you dry again but i know
that’s not how this thing works, that’s
not the way this thing is anymore.

i mean to say that i think you are lovely,
and i think that lovely people
can’t always love right and that we are drawn
to the people we think will be able to hold
our hands when we can’t feel our
fingerprints anymore, or hold our hair
back and rub our backs over and over again
when we keep making the wrong choices
too early in the mornings.

i think we all have too many
empty contacts on our phones and we
can never find the right people to sleep
next to and we can never be sure
our hands lock together as perfectly
as they should. holding hands is ten fingers
away from not, and sometimes that’s not enough
rope to tether me to the right now.


i’m sorry.

the other day i was riding the bus and i thought
of a really good joke to tell you but i didn’t
want to call you. i think i’ve called too much
already, and i think that’s the punchline.
what to say when you can't say i love you anymore
yo im pretty sure this will be the last poem i submit before i go to camp! governor's school is completely killing me. idk i mean i like it, but i feel like i am just. like, i feel like i am not taking advantage of these opportunities or whatever. or, like, i feel like i'm just the same person i was at school and i just wanted to be like a different person. and then i guess im not....

anyway this poem isnt really what it looks like it's about.

i love you all and i will miss you while i am gone and i swear i will come back and i wanna see every single one of you in a month. love all, G (or C cause now i'm going by Catherine at gov school)

idk is Grace or Catherine 
i will love you until it hurts and even past that,
until my chest aches with the thought of
your eyelashes and every bit of your life
has been written on my skin.
i will be your pillar of strength. i will love you
after it hurts and after i grow numb and grow apart
and we find ourselves on opposite sides of the country,
like branches on a tree that grew bigger
than we could ever imagine.

i will keep your city circled on every map i place
on the walls of my room, like a reminder
and a to do list and a promise all in one. you have
etched yourself into every corner
of my brain and i have stopped trying
to catch myself thinking about you because
most days my thoughts are running too fast
to ever even catch up with
and they always seem to lead back to you.

and right now my veins are only half blood
and half holy so i know this isn’t a poem
that needs to be written but i also know
already that if i don’t get this out, tomorrow
morning i will be crouched in front
of a toilet bowl again, throwing up half digested
food and words and fragments of poems
i will never find the courage to send you,
and please trust me when i tell you there is nothing
holy about feeling that dirty.

and my dirty laundry should be aired or else
it’ll never get clean, and the skeletons in my closet
deserve a proper funeral or else these ghosts
will never stay buried.

this is just to tell you that i would have loved you
until it hurt and probably even after that
if i know anything about myself at all.
poetry i should not be writing at four a.m.
uploaded at a reasonable time, written at a not so reasonable time

i haven't edited this poem much at all, and it took me about ten minutes to write it. it was just an experiment exercise kind of thing to try when i couldn't go to sleep. so maybe it should be read kind of frantically with a hint of desperation

anyway, guys, i'm going to governor's school on sunday which is for a month and it's basically like school in the summer which idk what i was thinking when i signed up for it, but hopefully it'll be fun. but i'm just not that sure how much i'll be able to get on and post stuff and talk with y'all. and then the day governor's school gets out (June 27), i'm driving straight over to a month long summer camp that starts the same day and ends at the end of July. and i know for a fact that camp nakanawa does not allow any electronics of any kind, so that'll be a month of dead silence.

i think i'll post an email address (they print out emails for us to read) you can reach me at if you want, whenever i find it out.

i'm getting my hair dyed purple later today...hell yeah

enjoy existence today, lovelies!!
i have spent too long loving you
like a store shutting down, slashing my prices,
hoping there’s something here you might
want to buy before i go under.

this is not your fault. i was told that loving
desperately and wholly was light years
better than loving practically, but you
have spent four years loving me like i am a siege
and you are worried that your fortress’s walls
are not high enough. i think i mean
that you love me cautious; you love me

most nights i waste hours not looking at my phone
and trying to remind myself how much i am
worth without you by my side. the numbers
never add up. maybe this is because
you have never been constant enough to be an equation.

look here, i have it on good authority
that universes exist in my skin and stars have died
so that i could live. stars have died and i have
survived and you will not be the one to make me wish
my soul was nothing but a black hole.

i can’t shake the thought that you are my novel and
i am your parenthetical expression.

this will be the last poem i write about you.
it is similar to the first poem i wrote about you,
in that i am still afraid to use your name.
but i will slip in a couple of words that aren’t
coincidences. a piece of imagery that calls
back half of a memory of my smile.
you might understand. you might not.

don’t worry, i still think of you like you
are the stars but i gave up being an astronaut
years and years ago
and when i see you now all i think is that
you are unreachable.
acrimony (n)- bitterness or ill feeling, especially in vocabulary or mannerisms

written for a friend who kind of makes me feel shitty. these past few days have been so tremendously awful i have no idea what to say. i'm not doing okay right now, is all. i thought i was done feeling like this but like now all i think is that i'm so completely done. just. finished.

um what do you call a bear with no teeth?

a gummy bear! hahaaa
i hope everyone has a good exam week either coming up or now behind you. never sacrifice your sleep for a few more facts, drink lots of water, pet your dog, wash your hands with that stuff you save only for special occasions, and keep counting down to the summer. love you all so so muchxxxx
1. between the two of us, we have eaten miles
of pavement, we have spent months pressing
the same four wheels into the ground.
whenever you need to, follow those tracks again.
they will lead you back home.

2. there are songs i only figured out how to sing
with you beside me. even now, the words
sound awkward in my throat.
the notes are wrong. i’m not sure what makes
something sacred, but words like that
i only know how to sing with a quiet
reverence i can’t seem to find anymore.

3. i am good at writing poems that convince
people to stay. i don’t know how to write
a poem to someone that i know is going to leave
no matter what i say.

4. you have faith in spades. and i’m not talking about
god. i’m talking about that tangible faith in
humanity, the faith that always makes you
ask me how my day was, even if the answer
is always the same.

5. to be truthful, i don’t want you to stay.
some people are made for the great unknown.

6. we have watched more sunsets relax
into dusk than i can count. thirteen years from now,
i will still be trying to write the poem that changes
the world. you will have found your permanence.

7. sometimes, it rains. remember that. remember
that sometimes, it will pour but it will
not wash away your foundations, it will not
cause a flood. you will stay standing, even
when it rains.

8. go. drive. pack a couple of records, some extra shirts.
a pillow for the sleepless nights, a blanket
for the warm ones. put the book that never fails
to make you cry in the seat where i usually sit.
keep your mother first on your speed dial,
keep your old life pressed into the soles of your feet. go.

9. i am not the person i was two years ago.
i am miles away from that person,
parkways and streets and interstates and
short cuts away from who i used to be.

you have shaped me in ways i know i won’t
realize until i am years older and listening
to your old favorite song spill into my ears.

i know already that that ache for things long gone
will be a good one. thank you.
things to take to college
woohoo my last graduation poem! i was gonna post a different poem today, but as today is the actual graduation for the seniors at my school, i went with this one because it was more apropos for the feeling of the day.

so this poem wont make sense really unless you know that it's to a friend who is graduating, and me and her would carpool to school together and we both live about an hour away from school. so lots of car time. at least two hours of car time per day. you really kind of know someone after that, you know? like we had to leave sometimes at 6 am and man, when you spend an hour with someone after they've just woken up, you've seen their darkest side lol

anyway i would read her every poem i would write as soon as i finished it, and she told me once that she liked the numbered poems the best so i told her for her graduation i'd write her a numbered poem about her and here it is.
you guys give me a Daily Deviation??? I love you all so so much. I mean, seriously, seriously thank you. Every single one of you is amazing and perfect and just wow okay I'm still wow'ing.

And it's more than just a DD, you know, like, I'm super touched and flattered and all these other adjectives on the response "welcome to the real world" got. I loved reading your comments about how you perceive the real world and what you were afraid of when you were graduating college/high school.

Which is another thing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing comments like, 'I just graduated high school and I think I needed to read this' or 'Just finished college, this helped me so much'. Good. Thank god, because that's what I wanted that poem to do to you. I wanted people to read it and feel, well, maybe not helped, but at least not so alone. My oldest sister graduates college in June, and today is my other sister's high school graduation and today was the last exam of my sophomore year of high school, so we're all another step into having no idea what we're going to do later and I know it scares me and it probably scares them, too.

So I'm just really glad that people read this poem and liked it, or even if they read it and hated it, or read it and messaged me all the ways that I'm an ignorant, privileged sixteen year old. This is true. But like I said earlier, I wrote "welcome to the real world" so people could read it and feel like they're aren't the only ones facing these problems. Cause sure, from what I've seen the Real World sucks and it's awful and yeah, there's little bits of 'this is great' but it's mostly twenty-somethings wishing they were preteens again. And it would doubtlessly be better if no one thought they were the only ones going through the same adjustments.

I got off all track--I just really wanted to say that after the week of exams I've had and Ending Of The Year blues, this was amazing. Thank you so much. I'm still smiling.


MisfitableGrae's Profile Picture
Grae Mattern
Artist | Literature
United States
I hate talking about myself for any length of time. My favorite part of the summer is the fireflies. My mother doesn't understand why I like the rain so much, but let's just put that on the ever-growing list of things my mother doesn't understand about me. I don't know what to do about that. I do this weird thing where I don't reply to comments and don't tell everyone that follows me that I love them but I love them and on Bad Days, I reread the comments and look at my watchers and I smile and fall a little bit more in love with humanity in general. I'm allergic to every nut but peanuts. I am a horrible human being. But some days I can convince myself that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a good person.


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locosquirrel Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi, I just wanted to say that you're own of my favorite poets. Like the kind that should be published and studied in english classes but isn't YET (I think you could be if that's what you wanted).

There are these writing practices I do where I try writing in certain styles and well, I tried my hand at your style. It's your inspiration so I thought I'd share it with you :)…

Happy writing and have a lovely day ! 
--- Loco

SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for collecting Bibliophilia :)
AeronDust Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
I could start a collection just on all the things you've written because I've loved everyone of the things I've read so far.
Psychia98 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my goodness, you added one of my poems to your favourites? I'm utterly flattered..!
Thank you; this means such a lot to me :)
InterrogateMe Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me in unimaginable ways, your mind is absolutely beautiful. Keep writing, sweetie. :heart:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
oh man thank you so, so unbelievably much. you're absolutely amazing.

and also, i love andrea gibson's poetry, "a letter to the playground bully" is one of my all-time favorites from her. C: used to have about five of her poems memorized just in case there ever came an opportunity to recite her work. "class" was pretty cool, too.
InterrogateMe Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015   Writer
Oh, of course! And thank you!

Aww, that's really cute! I didn't know of her until about a year ago when a friend of mine took me to see her perform, she's been my idol ever since. c:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

Hey, thanks for joining :iconshortandsweetpoetry:ShortAndSweetPoetry! We're glad to have you with us. Please be sure to submit any and all short poetry you write and/or come across, into the right folders of course~ Wink/Razz

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or any of the other admins, DropDeadKrislynAmarantheansSharkitty, and AmethystVixen. We also have a donation account for the group at :iconsspdonationaccount:. Any and every donation is much appreciated! Heart

Have a nice day! Spongebob (Imagination) 

 ~That1PersonYouForgot Meow Rainbow

P.S. Sorry for the late welcome!
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2015   Writer
:iconblinkthanksfavplz: ... :)
deviantartchiz Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015
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