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About Literature / Artist Premium Member Grae MatternFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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i have spent too long loving you
like a store shutting down, slashing my prices,
hoping there’s something here you might
want to buy before i go under.

this is not your fault. i was told that loving
desperately and wholly was light years
better than loving practically, but you
have spent four years loving me like i am a siege
and you are worried that your fortress’s walls
are not high enough. i think i mean
that you love me cautious; you love me
circumstantially.

most nights i waste hours not looking at my phone
and trying to remind myself how much i am
worth without you by my side. the numbers
never add up. maybe this is because
you have never been constant enough to be an equation.

look here, i have it on good authority
that universes exist in my skin and stars have died
so that i could live. stars have died and i have
survived and you will not be the one to make me wish
my soul was nothing but a black hole.

i can’t shake the thought that you are my novel and
i am your parenthetical expression.

this will be the last poem i write about you.
it is similar to the first poem i wrote about you,
in that i am still afraid to use your name.
but i will slip in a couple of words that aren’t
coincidences. a piece of imagery that calls
back half of a memory of my smile.
you might understand. you might not.

don’t worry, i still think of you like you
are the stars but i gave up being an astronaut
years and years ago
and when i see you now all i think is that
you are unreachable.
acrimony
acrimony (n)- bitterness or ill feeling, especially in vocabulary or mannerisms

written for a friend who kind of makes me feel shitty. these past few days have been so tremendously awful i have no idea what to say. i'm not doing okay right now, is all. i thought i was done feeling like this but like now all i think is that i'm so completely done. just. finished.

um what do you call a bear with no teeth?

a gummy bear! hahaaa
 
i hope everyone has a good exam week either coming up or now behind you. never sacrifice your sleep for a few more facts, drink lots of water, pet your dog, wash your hands with that stuff you save only for special occasions, and keep counting down to the summer. love you all so so muchxxxx
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1. between the two of us, we have eaten miles
of pavement, we have spent months pressing
the same four wheels into the ground.
whenever you need to, follow those tracks again.
they will lead you back home.

2. there are songs i only figured out how to sing
with you beside me. even now, the words
sound awkward in my throat.
the notes are wrong. i’m not sure what makes
something sacred, but words like that
i only know how to sing with a quiet
reverence i can’t seem to find anymore.

3. i am good at writing poems that convince
people to stay. i don’t know how to write
a poem to someone that i know is going to leave
no matter what i say.

4. you have faith in spades. and i’m not talking about
god. i’m talking about that tangible faith in
humanity, the faith that always makes you
ask me how my day was, even if the answer
is always the same.

5. to be truthful, i don’t want you to stay.
some people are made for the great unknown.

6. we have watched more sunsets relax
into dusk than i can count. thirteen years from now,
i will still be trying to write the poem that changes
the world. you will have found your permanence.

7. sometimes, it rains. remember that. remember
that sometimes, it will pour but it will
not wash away your foundations, it will not
cause a flood. you will stay standing, even
when it rains.

8. go. drive. pack a couple of records, some extra shirts.
a pillow for the sleepless nights, a blanket
for the warm ones. put the book that never fails
to make you cry in the seat where i usually sit.
keep your mother first on your speed dial,
keep your old life pressed into the soles of your feet. go.

9. i am not the person i was two years ago.
i am miles away from that person,
parkways and streets and interstates and
short cuts away from who i used to be.

you have shaped me in ways i know i won’t
realize until i am years older and listening
to your old favorite song spill into my ears.

i know already that that ache for things long gone
will be a good one. thank you.
things to take to college
woohoo my last graduation poem! i was gonna post a different poem today, but as today is the actual graduation for the seniors at my school, i went with this one because it was more apropos for the feeling of the day.

so this poem wont make sense really unless you know that it's to a friend who is graduating, and me and her would carpool to school together and we both live about an hour away from school. so lots of car time. at least two hours of car time per day. you really kind of know someone after that, you know? like we had to leave sometimes at 6 am and man, when you spend an hour with someone after they've just woken up, you've seen their darkest side lol

anyway i would read her every poem i would write as soon as i finished it, and she told me once that she liked the numbered poems the best so i told her for her graduation i'd write her a numbered poem about her and here it is.
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high school’s getting a bit tough
and i just wanted to know if you’ve ever
looked in the mirror and thought that maybe
your five year old self was disappointed in you.
just wanted to ask if maybe you’re disappointed in me,
just wanted to tell you that this is a lot harder
than i thought it would be when i was five because
people are a lot more different now than they were then.
they're a lot better. and a lot worse and things are a lot
more complicated now that i realize the gerbil i had
when i was six didn’t just “fall asleep” while i was holding it
and the cat i had when i was eight didn’t really “run away”
while i was at grandma’s house.

i’m still not sure about the line between good lies
and bad lies but my friend told me it has something
to do with intent and i know you hate to
see me cry so even on days i feel like the dead sea
inside, i promise i will not let go.

i just wanted to ask you how it felt when dad told you
he loved you for the first time.
cause i got this boy now, and i hold his hand a lot and
he makes me feel like i'm grounded and flying
at the same time. i didn’t even know that was possible,
but when i look at him, all i think about
are galaxies and butterflies and stupid stuff i heard
in a love song on the radio.
i want to know if this is how forevers start because
i think it is.

and i know i’m leaving soon and i count down
every day if i don’t stop myself because my five year old
self had no idea how hard it would be to just keep breathing.
it’s a struggle no one knows anything about until they’re
laying awake in bed in the mornings and trying to convince
themselves that putting one foot in front of the other is how
worlds get conquered, how the past gets put behind
you.

i may not always love myself and my boy may
end up breaking my heart. i’m not so sure about
the place i grew up in and my name has always been a little
iffy for me. i have scarred places that probably could
have been left untouched and some days i feel like i am seven
again, holding something broken and
begging for you to fix it.
i will probably have bad days. i will probably not
marry the boy i kind of want to grow old with.

but i know i will always love you.
you are my mother, and everything i have ever learned
i learned through you. you are my starting block
and my launch pad and my return point and my safety zone.
on days that i feel like i am a lone astronaut about to set
off for some great unknown,
i know i will always be able to find you again—

there is a reason they call her
mother earth, you know.
hi mom
this is a late mother's day post (she liked the poem btw)

i wrote a poem from a mother to her daughter a long time ago called "Things I'll Tell My Daughter Someday" (i was 14? i think. like im so old now but whatever) and i guess this can be read as the flip side of that. but that definitely wasn't my intention lol i was just still broke and didn't know what to get her.

i wrote it a couple of months ago actually and when i had this spoken word competition in april, i performed this one and it was the first time my mother heard it (unless she, like, heard me practicing or something). never say im not one for grand gestures.

so the title is actually the first line of the poem. this thing is supposed to be performed, so when i walked up to the mic i paused a bit before saying hi mom, like that cliche thing that people do when they're on tv for the first time. idk, i actually decided it would be really cool to do that and so then i just wrote the rest of the poem, just so i could say that first line lol

(i can't believe i tried to write a poem for my mother and it turned out to be mostly about me wow how self-centered do you have to be)

as always have a magnificent day, darlings. it was my last ap exam so that's something to celebrate
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601 deviations
you guys give me a Daily Deviation??? I love you all so so much. I mean, seriously, seriously thank you. Every single one of you is amazing and perfect and just wow okay I'm still wow'ing.

And it's more than just a DD, you know, like, I'm super touched and flattered and all these other adjectives on the response "welcome to the real world" got. I loved reading your comments about how you perceive the real world and what you were afraid of when you were graduating college/high school.

Which is another thing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing comments like, 'I just graduated high school and I think I needed to read this' or 'Just finished college, this helped me so much'. Good. Thank god, because that's what I wanted that poem to do to you. I wanted people to read it and feel, well, maybe not helped, but at least not so alone. My oldest sister graduates college in June, and today is my other sister's high school graduation and today was the last exam of my sophomore year of high school, so we're all another step into having no idea what we're going to do later and I know it scares me and it probably scares them, too.

So I'm just really glad that people read this poem and liked it, or even if they read it and hated it, or read it and messaged me all the ways that I'm an ignorant, privileged sixteen year old. This is true. But like I said earlier, I wrote "welcome to the real world" so people could read it and feel like they're aren't the only ones facing these problems. Cause sure, from what I've seen the Real World sucks and it's awful and yeah, there's little bits of 'this is great' but it's mostly twenty-somethings wishing they were preteens again. And it would doubtlessly be better if no one thought they were the only ones going through the same adjustments.

I got off all track--I just really wanted to say that after the week of exams I've had and Ending Of The Year blues, this was amazing. Thank you so much. I'm still smiling.

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MisfitableGrae's Profile Picture
MisfitableGrae
Grae Mattern
Artist | Literature
United States
I hate talking about myself for any length of time. My favorite part of the summer is the fireflies. My mother doesn't understand why I like the rain so much, but let's just put that on the ever-growing list of things my mother doesn't understand about me. I don't know what to do about that. I do this weird thing where I don't reply to comments and don't tell everyone that follows me that I love them but I love them and on Bad Days, I reread the comments and look at my watchers and I smile and fall a little bit more in love with humanity in general. I'm allergic to every nut but peanuts. I am a horrible human being. But some days I can convince myself that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a good person.
-Grae
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:iconlocosquirrel:
locosquirrel Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi, I just wanted to say that you're own of my favorite poets. Like the kind that should be published and studied in english classes but isn't YET (I think you could be if that's what you wanted).


There are these writing practices I do where I try writing in certain styles and well, I tried my hand at your style. It's your inspiration so I thought I'd share it with you :)



locosquirrel.deviantart.com/ar…

Happy writing and have a lovely day ! 
--- Loco


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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for collecting Bibliophilia :)
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:iconaerondust:
AeronDust Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015
I could start a collection just on all the things you've written because I've loved everyone of the things I've read so far.
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:iconpsychia98:
Psychia98 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my goodness, you added one of my poems to your favourites? I'm utterly flattered..!
Thank you; this means such a lot to me :)
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:iconinterrogateme:
InterrogateMe Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me in unimaginable ways, your mind is absolutely beautiful. Keep writing, sweetie. :heart:
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:iconmisfitablegrae:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015   Writer
oh man thank you so, so unbelievably much. you're absolutely amazing.

and also, i love andrea gibson's poetry, "a letter to the playground bully" is one of my all-time favorites from her. C: used to have about five of her poems memorized just in case there ever came an opportunity to recite her work. "class" was pretty cool, too.
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:iconinterrogateme:
InterrogateMe Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2015   Writer
Oh, of course! And thank you!

Aww, that's really cute! I didn't know of her until about a year ago when a friend of mine took me to see her perform, she's been my idol ever since. c:
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:iconthat1personyouforgot:
That1PersonYouForgot Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2015  Hobbyist Writer

Hey, thanks for joining :iconshortandsweetpoetry:ShortAndSweetPoetry! We're glad to have you with us. Please be sure to submit any and all short poetry you write and/or come across, into the right folders of course~ Wink/Razz

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me or any of the other admins, DropDeadKrislynAmarantheansSharkitty, and AmethystVixen. We also have a donation account for the group at :iconsspdonationaccount:. Any and every donation is much appreciated! Heart

Have a nice day! Spongebob (Imagination) 

 ~That1PersonYouForgot Meow Rainbow

P.S. Sorry for the late welcome!
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2015   Writer
:iconblinkthanksfavplz: ... :)
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:icondeviantartchiz:
deviantartchiz Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2015
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPY birthday. ^_^
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