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About Literature / Artist Core Member Grae MatternFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
5 Month Core Membership:
Given by sdmann22
Statistics 164 Deviations 586 Comments 19,580 Pageviews

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lol well



you tell me on a thursday that you can’t find
the god inside of yourself anymore, that
you think that you are finally
too much honeycomb and not enough human
because lately everything has been slipping
through your fingers, and you don’t know how you can
keep holding yourself together anymore.

if today is the day that you look
at the stars and you no longer
feel their burn beneath your bones,
i will show you the blanket i tried to make
when i was eight, and i will tell you all i know
about the string theory, which isn’t much, i admit,

but i do know the basics,
and that’s that everything in the universe
is composed of strings that somehow
loop onto each other infinitely.
so whenever you feel like you’re
walking a tightrope without a safety
net below you, know that you are
thousands of tightropes strung together,
and one fall will not kill you.

i have never told you about the way
i can feel my pulse skitter to a stop
in my wrists whenever i hear you laughing,
but that’s because i thought it was obvious.
before i met you, i spent too many years
unraveling, too many years picking apart my veins
to try and find the nebulas someone told me
existed inside of me.

but the first time i ever held your hand,
i understood why sometimes
our gods flee our bodies—it’s because
we feel too much, and our strings
are not strong enough to hold back everything
we choose to become. we are more
than tapestries, we are more than altars.

sometimes, the string theory is referred to as
the theory of everything, which i thought
you’d like to know,
because no, you are not my everything
but when you thread our fingers
together, i am always sure that this
time we will not have to let go.

so on thursday, when you tell me
you can’t find the god inside of yourself anymore,
i am shocked, because when i look at you,
all i see is holy.
your poem
i think this is the first poem that i have written in a really really really long time where i couldn't think of a title. and i'm pretty sure the stuff about the string theory is accurate!! i googled 'string theory for dumbies' and skimmed, so im in good shape!!!

anyway--i was accepted into my first (hopefully not last??) college!! idk if i can attend yet, cause of financial aid and stuff, but university of oregon sent me an acceptance!!! this is happening, i'm leaving!

i have rethought what i typed here; overshare, overshare, overshare, overshare

have a great week and if youre american have a great thanksgiving and don't listen to any bad-egg relatives!! i personally love your tattoos and your new name and your pierced ears and your short hair cut!!!! youre cute af!!!!

(ps. buy made in the am on itunes pls for me, listen to walking in the wind pls for me)
i have heard that every woman
is either ophelia or the queen,
either too much or not enough,
either drowning or swimming, either
dying from grief of living with guilt.

but i have run past enough finish
lines in my life to know that sometimes
you give up and sometimes you keep
going until your legs hurt and your
lungs bleed.  

what i mean is that i used to forget
that there once was
a version of me that did not
know the twelve shades of blue in
your eyes or what words to use
to describe them.

what i mean is that i still catch myself
thinking about that time i saw
you singing in your kitchen with your
hair down, dancing around to the radio
in a shirt i thought i had lost months ago.

what i mean is that i’ve started
ignoring you in the hallways
because it’s less painful than looking
at you and not knowing what
to say—

our problem was always that we
had too much water, too many novels
written in the backs of our mouths,
too many bones for our skin, too many
hands clasped in prayer at cathedrals
that were never ours.

we were never going to be able to swim.
one of us was always going to drown.
one of us was always going to keep remembering.
maybe both of them are me.

maybe i have a throne and a crown
and nothing inside of me but oceans,
oceans and rue and song and
faded satisfaction that comes
with the knowledge that once,
you loved me. once, you thought
our souls were made of the same material,
once we wore our hearts on our
sleeves and read each other like
poems we had helped write.

sometimes, i think i smell smoke,
and i imagine you are burning everything
that reminds you of me out of your life.
maybe the smoke makes your eyes
water. maybe it isn’t the smoke.
melisma (n) - the stretching of a syllable over a series of notes

(for those of you who haven't read the play hamlet, which i mention/reference a bit, ophelia goes mad and drowns herself after hamlet rejects her and her father dies. when the king dies, the queen--gertrude, but that name isn't as well known so i stuck with 'the queen'--remarries almost instantly, and she is criticized by hamlet for not grieving enough. so you have two characters, the only two women in the play, who are at, like, opposite ends of the spectrum. ophelia grieves too much, gertrude not at all. i just wanted to play with the idea that one can be cold and indifferent on the outside, but, like, overflowing with emotion on the inside.)

(laertes, ophelia's brother, after hearing of ophelia's death, says, "Too much of water hast thou, poor Ophelia", which i loved and had to put in, though i changed the meaning a bit)

anyways, love you all so so so much!! i will definitely come back again really soon (sooner than last time that's for sure, i missed this)
596 deviations
i keep trying to tell you that
the woods are burning, the ocean is flooding,
but you think it’s the summer heat
and the summer rain and you think
this is how it has to be
but it doesn’t it doesn’t
it doesn’t—

and you don’t leave
because you think we have time, but the smoke
is a noose i could hang myself with and

we got jewels and riches and coins but
we don’t got a damn second.
what willy loman said
my english lit class just finished reading the play Death of a Salesman, and one of the lines from the main character, Willy, is "I’m not interested in stories about the past or any crap of that kind because the woods are burning, boys, you understand? There’s a big blaze going on all around." And i just kind of liked that quote.

also inspired by wildfires in california and a conversation i had with someone the other day.

idk i probably will(y) later turn this into a longer poem, but right now i don't have the energy to ahha

anyways have a great end to the pre-halloween month
1. i have a cactus named atticus that i bought
on the day i thought i was going to die,
and i never forget to water it, not
even when i forget how it feels
to breathe without my lungs rebelling
against my brain.

2. sometimes talking feels like walking on gravel
in a Georgian summer heat.
i try to keep talking anyway,
and hope that eventually
my voice will lose its softness and grow calluses.

3. once, a man whistled at me
outside of a grocery store from
the safety of his car.
four years later, i still haven’t stopped looking
over my shoulder.

4. i drive too fast and i take turns too sharply
and i never put enough sugar
in my tea and i could probably survive
on watermelon alone. i’m left handed
and once taught myself to write only in capital
letters to piss off my seventh grade english teacher.

5. i have never felt closer to my father
than when we stayed
outside till two a.m. in november and watched
a meteor shower.

6. there are some things
i don’t think i’ll ever get right on the first
try. like math equations and tightening
a light-bulb and falling in love
and baking cupcakes.
there are some things i think everyone
should try twice.

7. i’ve changed. okay, so yeah, sometimes i still
hold memories closer than i hold friends and sometimes
i still treat autumn like it’s the only time
in the year to find god, and sometimes
i still can’t get the lighter to work
on the first go-around. and yeah,
the only thing i really know how to cook
is grilled cheese, and yeah the only place
i really know how to drive to is home,
but this time, whenever the radio is on,
i sing.

8.  look, ask anyone—i find it really
easy to talk about myself, and i do
it about seventy-eight percent of the time.
but when you look me straight in the eye
and ask for my greatest accomplishments,
i’m never going to find the right combination
of certificates or trophies
to make you smile.

9. dear colleges, you don’t want to know
me. you want a bullet point list of all
the reasons i think you should choose me,
and i have spent the last seventeen years
handing those out to people, like
they’re flyers to a new sushi restaurant
downtown and i am done.
make your decision now, and maybe
i’ll see you next fall.
a list of things colleges don't want to know
wow im really stressed and really sad.

mostly sad.

wow i wonder how that happened

 (if this is the poem that keeps me out of college, i s2g--)
you guys give me a Daily Deviation??? I love you all so so much. I mean, seriously, seriously thank you. Every single one of you is amazing and perfect and just wow okay I'm still wow'ing.

And it's more than just a DD, you know, like, I'm super touched and flattered and all these other adjectives on the response "welcome to the real world" got. I loved reading your comments about how you perceive the real world and what you were afraid of when you were graduating college/high school.

Which is another thing. I can't even begin to describe how amazing comments like, 'I just graduated high school and I think I needed to read this' or 'Just finished college, this helped me so much'. Good. Thank god, because that's what I wanted that poem to do to you. I wanted people to read it and feel, well, maybe not helped, but at least not so alone. My oldest sister graduates college in June, and today is my other sister's high school graduation and today was the last exam of my sophomore year of high school, so we're all another step into having no idea what we're going to do later and I know it scares me and it probably scares them, too.

So I'm just really glad that people read this poem and liked it, or even if they read it and hated it, or read it and messaged me all the ways that I'm an ignorant, privileged sixteen year old. This is true. But like I said earlier, I wrote "welcome to the real world" so people could read it and feel like they're aren't the only ones facing these problems. Cause sure, from what I've seen the Real World sucks and it's awful and yeah, there's little bits of 'this is great' but it's mostly twenty-somethings wishing they were preteens again. And it would doubtlessly be better if no one thought they were the only ones going through the same adjustments.

I got off all track--I just really wanted to say that after the week of exams I've had and Ending Of The Year blues, this was amazing. Thank you so much. I'm still smiling.


MisfitableGrae's Profile Picture
Grae Mattern
Artist | Literature
United States
I hate talking about myself for any length of time. My favorite part of the summer is the fireflies. My mother doesn't understand why I like the rain so much, but let's just put that on the ever-growing list of things my mother doesn't understand about me. I don't know what to do about that. I do this weird thing where I don't reply to comments and don't tell everyone that follows me that I love them but I love them and on Bad Days, I reread the comments and look at my watchers and I smile and fall a little bit more in love with humanity in general. I'm allergic to every nut but peanuts. I am a horrible human being. But some days I can convince myself that that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not a good person.


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ToxicHype Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Writer
It is a little after 3am where I reside and your words are threatening tears from my eyes. Your level of skill and flow is not only fascinating and intriguing, it is what I aspire to be. Thank you for existing and thank you DeviantArt for showing your works in the "More from deviantart" section on some of my own pieces. I have found a new favorite DA poet. 
AliQJ Featured By Owner 5 days ago
I don't like you.
Because reading your poetry has ruined me...
...for ever reading anyone else's poetry ever again.
I read some of your work, and then I tried to go back to reading other writer's poems, and they bore me and they don't touch me the way yours do.
And if you ever publish a book, I will buy copies for all my friends and everyone that needs to hear something beautiful.
I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing, because everyone needs to hear that, and never stop "talking about yourself" because it's so fascinating and relatable and perfect. Hug 
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner 4 days ago   Writer
thank you so much for reading a ton of my work and leaving so many comments; i enjoyed reading every single one! (sorry i'm only just replying, i couldn't think of what to say tbh) i'm looking into publishing, actually, so it's so great to see your support for the idea! this comment and all your other comments seriously made me smile so much! thank you thank you thank you!!
AliQJ Featured By Owner 4 days ago
My pleasure! I love reading comments people leave on my work and I figured other people probably appreciate it too Meow :3  haha, I'm so glad reading them brought a smile to your face! It would be so cool if you published your work, I'm sure a lot of people could relate to your poems. Have a great day! Hug (and tbh, reading your "thank you" made me smile so much too Love )
GodessFae Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2015  Student General Artist
Just wondering- do you have a writing tumblr? I would love to follow (I'm not on DA very often these days)
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2015   Writer
I don't, I'm sorry! I have a regular tumblr, where I sometimes post lines of poetry, but I'm not anywhere near established on tumblr!! but if I ever get a tumblr just for writing, I will be sure to post it on here asap!! Thank you for your interest!

especially since one direction's new album is coming out on friday so honestly it might be a bad time to follow me

preorder made in the am on itunes now
GodessFae Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2015  Student General Artist
ah well- guess I'll just have to get on DA a little more often. Well I'll keep an eye out for if/when you are able to do so :)
You're welcome!
Lol heh I hear you, I understand. my sister's been listening to the new album all week
Psychia98 Featured By Owner Edited Oct 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh gosh, thank you for the favourite! I got so excited when I saw your name in my notifications :aww:
Also, congratulations on the Daily Deviation!! You truly deserve it :hug:
ShadowWorldRed Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Grae, congratulations on receiving a Daily Deviation! :nod:
MisfitableGrae Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2015   Writer
omg what???
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